“How to break a bad habit without a struggle” sums up my 13 years in private practice as a Hypnotherapist. But here’s a little something you probably don’t hear about too often: Therapists have bad habits, too.
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You’re Not Addicted, You’re Just on Autopilot
Do you ever feel like you’d like to cut back or take a break from something you enjoy, but know isn’t particularly good for you? Maybe you feel like you’re drinking too much, overeating, or even getting high on too regular a basis. Whilst the latter was something I worked on a few years ago, drinking regularly had been part of my life for over 35 years, more on that later.
Before I go any further, let me say, I am not talking about genuine addiction here. The chances of a blog post offering the solution to addiction are doubtful, probably impossible, but if that’s where you are right now, then the best advice I can give is to see your doctor or join one of the twelve-step programs.
Overindulgence does not necessarily make you an addict.
There are many reasons people overeat or put on weight; some are foodies, some use food as a coping mechanism for low feelings, and for a few, it is a genetic predisposition.
People drink for many reasons too, it is the legally accepted drug of choice for reducing inhibitions in social settings, also known as “going out on the piss”. Many do it to get relief from emotional pain, and for others, like myself, it is an almost daily habit that was formed in younger years and only done to excess on special occasions.
The same reasoning can be applied to many substances classified as illegal. The only caveat here is that some of these substances are more likely to be used in social settings, and others for blocking out the traumas of life.
The new Kiddy on the scene, for blocking out how shit your own life is, is of course an electronic device that you carry around with you, everywhere you go. This marvel of technology, and no I’m not taking the piss when I say this, can both distract you from how shit your circumstances are, and also allow you to pretend to the world that your life isn’t a pile of shit at all.
All of the above habits only become a problem when the mere thought of cutting back causes a high level of anxiety. When you are prepared to sell every item you own, rather than cut back or give up, you are certainly fitting into the category of an addict who needs to get help asap. If you would rather start a crack habit than go 24 hours without screen time, you’re probably in similar territory, too. I’d certainly consider getting some help, that’s for sure.
Advice So Good, I Ignored It Myself
Other addictions can be overcome with a bit of planning and/or some assistance. I helped hundreds of people to quit smoking when I worked as a therapist, yet I still smoked myself. “You fucking hypocrite”, you may be thinking. Yes, there is no doubt some truth to what you say, but helping others is often far easier than helping yourself. Plus, I enjoyed it and didn’t want to quit at that time.
After a busy day of work, going for a couple of pints and not smoking was as likely as a steak at a vegan barbecue. This was especially true at a time when you could smoke inside a pub.
Most attempts to cut back look like a scene from Yes Minister: bold declarations followed by an immediate and tactical U-turn. You know the kind of thing, New Year’s resolutions that fail in less than three days. Publicly proclaiming on social media that you’re making a lifestyle change, and then pulling your hair out mere seconds after posting it. Before you mention it, no, this is not what happened to me. Nature was totally responsible for my follicly challenged status.
Dry January or Ego Fest 2K25?
As far as I’m concerned, most online challenges are generally more about ego than anything. It’s more “look at me” and “I’m a sheeple” than anything else, especially the really dumb online challenges that often lead to a trip to A&E.
This is not to diminish the fact that sometimes charities benefit from them, because they clearly do. But, when it comes to the cause itself, how much change occurs? The 22-push-up challenge has not brought down the number of Veterans committing suicide, for example.
There was one challenge I was interested in researching before writing this post, and that was “Dry January”. I read numerous peer-reviewed papers to determine if I could identify any reliable and useful data. You’ve probably seen the statistics in other blogs and social media posts, such as 23% of this and 47% of that. The trouble is, those numbers change depending on who’s asking, when they asked, and what point they want to prove.
Well, bollocks to that kind of writing. I’m not that interested in the statistics; I’m interested in what helps. Do you give a fuck about the percentage of people who take part, or do you want some ideas on how to achieve what you want?
Rhetorical question for most, I’m sure.
The key takeaway you need to know about those who participated in a dry month challenge and stuck with it for the duration is that their alcohol consumption was significantly reduced when researchers followed up a few months later. This kind of ties in with my personal findings as well. The problem is, what if you are not in the right headspace when the challenge month starts? Do you wait another year, only to find the same thing happens?
I’m going to share how I went 115 days without alcohol quite easily, but first, you should know a brief history of my relationship with it.
Rum, Navy, and My Teenage Liver
My first experience of alcohol was when I was about 14 and hanging out with “older boys” who were also too young to buy alcohol legally. But back in those days, some shops didn’t give a shit about that kind of thing. Weirdly, I remember it vividly. I drank a bottle of Cinzano Bianco, mixed with a can of Special Brew. My friends during this time were getting drunk, but I seemed fine. That was, until I stood up. The alcohol hit me, and I hit the floor. My friends helped me to stagger home, laid me on the bonnet of my Mum’s car, knocked on the door and legged it. The smell of Cinzano still makes me queasy to this day!
At the age of 16, I started going to pubs on weekends, which began on a Thursday in the late 80s, and at 17 years and 5 months, I joined the Royal Navy. For the first part of basic training, you were confined to base, and therefore no booze. However, at some point, you were issued a liberty card granting you Cinderella leave. This meant two things, you could go drinking, and if you were not back by midnight you were in the shit.
From that moment forward, I never went more than 3 days without alcohol, unless illness or work prevented it.
I was certainly a heavy drinker during my 8 years of military service, essentially every day, but I reduced my consumption slightly when I left. Fast forward to, let’s say, the last couple of years, and most nights I would have a couple of tins at home, and go to the pub once a week for a few pints.
How I broke a bad habit without a struggle
It was Wednesday, February 19th 2025, and I was looking at my outgoings compared to my income and realised that I needed to make some adjustments so that I didn’t need to keep relying on my credit card at the end of the month to buy food.
I was surprised when beer came to the top of the list of potential cutbacks. The critical thing to note here is that I wasn’t deciding to stop drinking altogether, and I certainly wasn’t doing a fucking challenge. I recalled some advice I used to give to clients who wanted to cut back on sugary snacks, which I had learnt from the renowned master of hypnotic techniques, Milton Erickson.
The advice was this: Yes, you can have all the sugary snacks you want, but you can’t have them in the house. You must walk at least a mile to the shop and eat them before you get home.
I adapted this sage-like wisdom to “no beer in the house”. If I wanted a beer, I’d have to walk to the pub, which is just under a mile away. Compared to my clients, a one-mile walk would not be a major deterrent, as I walk several miles every day with the dog. Also, my pub is dog-friendly, so my ego really didn’t believe I’d last very long at all, and would probably be visiting it the next day. Therefore, I encountered no resistance, no panic about whether I had the willpower or not, and next to no cravings.
“If I take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been”.
At the 3-day point, I reflected and thought to myself, “If I make one more day, that’ll be the longest I’ve voluntarily gone without a drink”. I was reminded of Samwise Gamgee and his kind of weird reflection when about to leave Hobbiton, on his journey with Frodo to the village of Bree.
At the end of the first week, I impressed myself when I stopped to fill up the car with diesel on the way home from work and spotted the beer fridge near the counter. The cravings kicked in, but I told myself, “No, not in the house.” My ego assumed I would probably walk the dog via the pub later. But here’s something to think about: cravings only last until you focus on something else. In this case, probably a minute or two. If you can get through those few hellish moments, every now and then, it soon becomes easy.
Before long, I was able to go down the beer aisle in the supermarket, be tempted to pick up a four-pack for the duration of its length, and then not give it another thought as I moved onto the pet food aisle. This was indeed progress. I had also not told anybody about it either, so there was no peer pressure to drink, nor praise for “doing so well.”
I then started looking at the milestones, and thinking that if I can make it to just the next one, I’ll probably pop to the pub to celebrate. So, making it past 30 days really surprised me, but now I was starting to wonder if I would ever drink again. I thought it very unlikely, but it was a possibility that crossed my mind often. By three months, I didn’t think about drinking that often.
Fell Off the Wagon, Didn’t Get Run Over
So, Friday, 13th June, was the day it happened, and as ominous as that sounds, it was not due to some superstitious event that prevented me from making it to four months by only four days. There will, of course, be some people wearing tinfoil hats now, calculating all these numbers and finding some meaning, but the only reason I had a few drinks on this date was that I took my mum to see the Bootleg Beatles, nothing more. In the preceding days, I contemplated whether or not to have a drink, but I thought fuck it, why not in the end.
The event was outdoors, and it was a very warm evening, so I scuppered four and a half pints, which by my old standards was not a lot. The next day, I had a slight hangover. Yeah, what a fucking light weight right? I contemplated hair of the dog, but ultimately felt too drained to walk to the pub, because the rules hadn’t changed, no drinking at home.
On the 19th June, I had one pint in my local pub after walking the dog on a hot summer’s evening, and that brings us up-to-date.
Tips that don’t treat you like an idiot
I will no doubt have a few more beers over the summer and at special occasions, but I truly believe the days of a beer a day are behind me now. There will be friends and family who will be as shocked to read this as I am to write it.
So, if you’re thinking of cutting back on something which may be considered a bad habit, here’s what might help you to do it:
- Do it at a time which feels right for you, not because everyone else is doing it on social media
- Set up conditions which make doing the thing arduous, as in the 1-mile walk
- At the start, don’t consider it a challenge, that way you can’t fail
- Keep it secret until you feel ready to tell people
- As it gets easier, this is when you can start to make it a challenge by setting milestones
- After the 30-day mark, just like the studies suggested, you will feel different about things
- Eventually, falling off the wagon will no longer be a regression to old habits, but a conscious choice to do, or do not, as Yoda might say.
Many other things can be considered bad habits, and some of these may be health-related, but not always. Sometimes, it can be just that the habit has more control than you do. Compared to some of the lads I served with, my consumption of porn was very moderate. However, let me share one more thing if you were impressed by 115 days of sobriety.
If you were to call me a wanker 176 days ago, you would be correct, but not since that day. However, that is a whole other story, which I will probably not write about, probably!
If this rattled your brain in a good way, follow me on Facebook — it’s not enlightenment, but it’s a step up from doomscrolling.
